The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return.

It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. (Someone named Arthur C. Clarke said that.)

Speaking of honesty, I haven’t completed my 2008 taxes yet.

And, I refuse to ever weigh myself. I choose ignorance and bliss in that department.

And, I gave in to a Complete This Survey Because It’s Trendy campaign on Facebook. Those things take flight on Facebook in thicker volumes than a murder of crows. Just FYI.

1. Were you named after anyone?
Emily, no.
Jean, yes, after my adorable grandmother Peggy Jean Benson.
Benson, yes. Duh.

2. When was the last time you cried?
Last night. Lovers parted ways. Darn those TV dramas.

3. Do you like your handwriting?
Yes. It looks just like my mother’s.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?
None, thank you. I prefer to eat grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches.

5. Do you have kids?
Yes. Four. They are green; live in soil; and actively, hungrily drink most of my water supply.

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Most definitely. I think I’d feel sorry for me and make friends out of pure charity.

7. Do you use sarcasm?
Most days, but not around my mother.

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Sure do.

9. Would you bungee jump off a cliff?
Where do I sign up?

13. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Raspberry sorbet. Chocolate. Cookies ‘N’ Cream. Butter Pecan. Chocolate Chip. Why are you making me choose?

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
How they carry themselves. You can understand quite a lot about a person’s self-worth by how he carries himself.

16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
My lack of 20/20 vision.

17. Who do you miss the most?
I’m not answering this question.

18. Do you want everyone to complete this list?
Sure. It’s a perfectly sane way to waste your time.

19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
Everything’s black. And everyone knows this.

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Angelina I-Sacrifice-Hygiene-For-The-Sake-Of-Educating-Your-Children Beauvais.

28. Eye color?
Sometimes green. Sometimes blue. Sometimes gray. They’re mood-changers. See your eye doctor for your own costly pair.

30. Favorite food?
Cheese. Fruit. Pancakes. Steak. Salad. Again, why are you making me choose?

35. Hugs or kisses?
Kisses.

36. Favorite dessert?
Three-layer raspberry cake with cream cheese frosting.

39. What books are you reading now?
Lock and Key (Sarah Dessen), The Complete Stories (Flannery O’Connor), Sloppy Firsts (Megan McCafferty), need I really go on?

40. What is on your mouse pad?
I don’t have one. If I did, however, it would probably be a random excerpt from the dictionary.

41. What did you watch on TV last night?
Monday night’s episodes of Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill.

42. Favorite sounds?
The cello. City noises. My bedroom fan.

44. What is the farthest you have been from home?
Italy. Florence and Venice, for the curious.

45. Do you have a special talent?
Organizing people. Interpreting silence. Navigating difficult parking situations.

46. Where were you born?
Denver, Colorado.

48. How did you meet your spouse/significant other?
I’m as single as you get, baby.

49. Is the pint half full or half empty?
Half full! I’m eternally optimistic in all things.

50. If you could sit down to dinner with five people, who would you choose?
Baz Luhrmann. Hilarie Burton. Claire Danes. The head of development for Universal Pictures. The Queen of England’s head of household at Windsor Castle.

There you have it, folks. The innermost workings of my mind. I trust you feel you know me so well now.

And yes, I’m aware there are many missing numbers. They were boring. Take it up with someone else.

Ta-ta, loveys.

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