Who wouldn’t want free stuff?

It’s no news the economy sucks. Prices go up; our paychecks go down. Yet our need to acquire–for whatever reason–still exists. We need things, we want things, we just gotta have things. We want delicious deals at the diner and Buy One, Get Ones at the grocery. But we don’t want to pay the price–it simply costs too much. Thus, we’re all hankering for a break on the buck.

Well, our dear friends at Craigslist know how we feel. For years they’ve been providing a one-stop shopping site for those wanting cheap deals right at the fingertips (literally and figuratively). Divided into categories–arts and crafts, toys, bikes, jewelry, garage sales, younameit–Craig Newmark and his genius team provide Needy Folk Everywhere with access to purchasing the leftovers and discards from Generous Folk Everywhere.

Therefore, for your economic pleasure, I present the Curious Craigslist Free Finds of the Week:

  • Someone is offering a blue barrel. It comes with a “spring top lid thingee,” so claims the seller (giver?). Also provided is an explanation: “I was going to use it as a rain barrel, but I was unsure of the contents before I received it. So I hesitated to use it as such.” Dear Blue Barrel Owner, exactly what was inside? Next to being used as a trash can, a basic rain barrel is one of your least-hygienic options. Just dump the contents, give it a rinse, and you’re good to go. Roughly, that is. So, if you have no use for the barrel post-reception, please explain why someone else will. Thanks.
  • There’s an eviction pile. It was seen while the post’s author was driving down the street. “Tons of stuff,” says the author. And yes, there is an address provided. Dear Generous Post Author, just out of curiosity, does raiding the pile come with a side of guilt for taking now-homeless person’s possessions? And, is the now-homeless person aware you’re advertising his only belongings? Oh but thanks, Dearest Post Author, for sharing the wealth with the rest of us. We can now rest knowing we’re taking from someone who will really and truly have nothing by the time we’re done.
  • Free food! No joke! Someone is giving away free food! But, let’s click on the post. Really. Here goes: “Free food from a freezer we forgot about. HAHA. Email for address.” Ha! I’m laughing with you! Forgetfulness is such a funny thing. But why are you giving it away? Oh wait, there’s more: “Some is expired, lots of meat and frozen vegetables and such.” Oh, okay, now I get it. I was worried your free food offer was going to actually save me some money. Rather, I will still have to go to the grocery store, but only after having been to the ER for an emergency stomach pumping. Golly gee, your kindness overwhelms me.
  • We have a diaper rash cream giveaway. According to the post, the tube is brand new. The giver includes this charming remark: “You want it, you need it. Come get it.” Please, someone take this. I know you know someone who needs it.
  • Free LEGO truck. And there’s a picture. It really is a cute little LEGO truck. Dear Truck Owner, I know times are tough. I know insurance costs a lot and our cars seem to guzzle gas faster than times at Ridgemont High, but please tell me why you are giving this away. It took you longer to take the picture and create this post than it would to just throw it in your Childhood Memory Box That No One Must Ever Touch. Duh.

Other free items to note:

  • Several broken (or, “unworking,” as they are affectionately labeled in some posts) dryers.
  • A flower vase.
  • Valentine’s Day decorations. Get ahead of schedule, people!
  • Walnuts.
  • Walnut trees.
  • The mayor’s Christmas tree. This. Is. No. Joke. Oh, come prepared to cut it down yourself, and then find a mayor to willingly accept your donation.
  • Dirt. Lots and lots of dirt.
  • Bricks, blocks, boulders, concrete, and clay.
  • Newspapers (but only if they are used as packing material).
  • Pinecones.
  • Free passes to the zoo. Oh! Joy! Rapture!

Any of this tickle your fancy? I hope so. I hope you’ve found something of value. I hope you’ve been inspired to wade through the mass of posts for Something You Just Must Have Right Now.

So go, retrieve and be glad. Practice safety. Don’t talk to strangers (hmm?). And don’t pay anything (it’s free, duh).

Happy Hunting!

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