Yuck Yuck Yuck Yuck.
This afternoon I was politely minding my own business when I moseyed upstairs for some delightful sweet tea. Pleasant Sunday, yes? No.
First, I found Dog Number Two lounging in a plush floral chair. He’s not supposed to sit in that chair. After throwing the dog on the floor and scolding his precious little heart, I realized he was backing away from me with his tail tucked under and trying oh-so-hard to scoot his little butt into the three-inch gap between the sofa and the floor. To all you dog owners, you know this is a sign of a dog realizing he’s done something wrong. I turned in triumph from my little disciplinary session and prepared to pour my tea and return to my cave in the basement.
Now, let’s note here that the dining room floors are hardwood. They are a very pretty dark wood of some sort that I’ve never bothered to learn. Let’s go with walnut or magnolia or something exotic like papaya because I have no clue what they really are. But you get the idea. These hardwood floors are dark and smooth and pretty and therefore should not be yellow and liquid and chunky and wreak of throw-up. Yuck.
[Please pause here in preparation for the graphic clean-up details that I’m going to share with you. And should you desire to not be tempted for some upheaval of your own, quit reading this post right now.]
I’d like to tell you that cleaning up said regurgitation off the dining room floor and back door rug was uneventful and no big deal. But that would be lying.
I’d like to tell you that Dog Number Two hid under someone’s bed like a normal dog who knows he’s done something wrong and/or just plain dumb. But that would be lying.
Instead, cleaning up this mess was full of alternating screams and annoyed grunts and dry heaves as I gasped for breath because I refused to breathe during this process. And the dumb dog followed me around apologetically for the rest of the afternoon, trying to stuff himself under cabinets and into the stairs and anywhere else that would make him invisible to my stares and insults.