Jives: the coffee shop for all of Colorado Springs’ hipsters teeming with the so-street kids who defy all trends by banding together in the unwashed, hand-me-down lifestyle.
You know these kids. They’re the ones who preach recycling and reusing and thrift till you drop! and live simply! and let’s build a commune! because that’s what will save this planet. They’re the ones who swear the monkey sweater was grandma’s and the skinny cords with the saggy butt came from Goodwill and the t-shirt blatantly screaming sex me tonight was dad’s screen-print job from the ’70s. But what they refuse to admit is the monkey sweater was mass-produced in China and sold in Urban Outfitters stores on the West Coast and shipped by Aunt Judy as a birthday gift, therefore ensuring that no other mountain-dwelling girls in the eleventh grade will be wearing said sweater. Or those skinny cords. Or that subtle sexuality t-shirt. Yeah, right.
These kids are also the ones who have lost–or never even learned–their sense of boundaries, proper public behavior, universally-accepted hygiene standards, and conversational skills. They are the ones who send teasing text messages to friends-with-benefits while another someone tries to relay his latest sexcapade and just hopes you’ll pick up the vibe that he wants you…on his couch…right now. As if the t-shirt “from Dad” wasn’t enough of a hint.
And while other coffee drinkers try mercilessly to drown these horrid conversations by listening to the score from The Mission on their iPods (because that, in and of itself, is much more philosophical and actually interesting), all they can really think is how unhappy these not-so-hip hipsters must be as they trade STDs and lice and whatever else comes with not bathing. (Though, I will admit, even my hair is at its finest when having gone three days since its last washing. But I don’t know how I know this.)
All this to say, Kids, give your texting thumbs a break, take a shower, and have a face-to-face conversation. In a normal speaking voice, of course. And, while you’re at it, quit your not-a-trend lifestyle that everyone else is living. Thanks.