Out of Body Experience

I tried something new. I woke up before the sun. That’s right. I got up at 5:00, just to see what all the fuss is about.

Now. A decision An experiment like this doesn’t go without planning. For starters, it requires an 8:00 bedtime, much like the kind the old folks have so they can get their precious 12 hours of sleep. Lucky for me our Internet happened to be down, thanks to our need to employ four computers within a 20-foot radius. Because we all know the only thing accomplished beyond dusk is mass amounts of web surfing, I suddenly had nothing to do and I promptly made my way to bed.
So. Waking up before humans, roosters, and God gives one an abundance of time. Like, so much time that going back to bed seems to be the only answer.
But. Instead I decided to go to the gym. Because there is a need to see what kind of people choose this horrible fate every day. No doubt they are over-achieving business men and soccer moms who insist on being home and showered and ready before the kids are awake.
To my surprise, the same people kind of people work out at 5:00 a.m. as the kind who work out at noon or at 3:00 p.m. A weird fact, really. They were like, normal. They had no agenda other than their “get fit quick” mantra that we are all doomed to repeat.
As for the workout itself, those regulars know what they’re doing. They do it all the time, obviously, whereas I spent my hour on the treadmill in a zombie-like state, feeling as though my head was floating 30 feet above me and realizing all too quickly how much I needed a harness to keep me strapped onto the machine.
Despite my hour-long stumbles, my little experiment proved completely unnecessary and unhealthy and pointless. So thanks, gods of some sort, for this ridiculous waste of time and for making my lack of beauty rest a grumpy factor in my day.

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