Um, hi. It’s been a while. Like a month, and then some. I’d love to tell you I was surfing in Hawaii or learning to cook Moroccan food from Moroccan geniuses in Moroccan lands, but neither of those are remotely close to accurate. Alas, I took an vacation from most Internet things so I could focus on work. And then more work. And now, what I’ve gathered from the e-mails and texts and comments I’ve received lately, my return from absentia is long overdue.
So, consider this, my lovely readers who I hope are still reading, my return.
In my weeks away, a few things happened, the details of which aren’t as important as the lessons learned. And those are:
- When a girl is wearing an uncomfortable face while sweating a few drops on a treadmill, don’t interrupt her workout to tell her that whatever she’s doing at the gym is working, so keep doing it. It’s not cool, and it’s gives everyone in a 20-foot vicinity the opportunity to spend the remainder of their workout staring and whispering.
- When a car needs an oil change, get it done. Otherwise you’ll spend weeks telling everyone that the funny noises it’s making are sound FX rehearsals for an upcoming techno tour in the Northwest.
- Encountering a deer (or 5) walking down the middle of the road isn’t an invitation to continue driving. Rather, it is an invitation to stop what you’re doing, don’t make eye contact, and wait for the herd to pass.
- When a dog is pouncing on you in an effort to wake you up at 5:00, get up. Ignoring him will only deliver diarrhea on your bedroom carpet.
That’s all for the life lessons learned during the past few weeks.
How have you all been?