Adventures in Los Angeles

(Note: I haven’t moved yet. I’m just letting you eavesdrop on the process.)

When I move to LA, I hope:

  • To have an elderly lady neighbor who has an elderly gentleman suitor who brings her flowers and wears three-piece suits.
  • To have annoying and quirky neighbors. (Where else will I get my blog fodder? Because we all know I’m not leaving the apartment. Like, ever.)
  • To learn how to turn on my oven.
  • To learn how to use my oven.
  • To learn how to turn off my oven.
  • To learn how to call 911. (In case of an oven fire, obviously.)
  • To learn how to make coffee. (My balance on my Starbucks gift cards is dwindling drastically. But if you’d like to increase that balance, here is my e-mail address: benson dot ej at gmail dot com. Donations are always welcome and wanted.)
  • To graduate from my twin-size bed to normal adulthood with a normal adult-size bed. (My affinity for PB&J sandwiches and the Disney Channel, however, are a different story, and will therefore remain vital elements to my life.)
  • To stock my refrigerator and pantry with nutritional, delicious—but primarily edible—food. (One can’t live off Crystal Light and soy nuts forever, you know.)

And in non-apartment-related concepts, I hope:

  • To maintain my vampire complexion. (It’s the only trendy thing about me. And after Breaking Dawn premieres both its parts, I’ll need a new fad to follow. I’m open to suggestions.)
  • To make human friends. (They tell me that having regular conversations with my invisible friends and houseplants isn’t socially acceptable. Whatever—you don’t know anything.)
  • To keep a scorecard: How many times did Emily trip this week? Today? This hour?
  • To be the best, snarkiest, youngest-looking Assistant to the Assistant ever.

That being said, apartment hunting has commenced, as has life-planning. First things to have been researched were, in this order:

  1. Apartments. (Obviously.)
  2. Los Angeles Public Library branches and their proximity to choice apartments. (This cheapo ain’t buyin’ no readin’ stuff.)
  3. Starbucks locations, and their proximity to choice apartments. (I will, however, buy me some $5 coffee beverages in a friggin’ heartbeat.)
  4. Grocery stores, and their proximity to choice apartments. (Foooooood.)

So far, plans are coming along swimmingly. And if you’re worried about it me, know this: I have no plans to live in a shack on a beach and learn to surf. So chill out already.


7 thoughts on “Adventures in Los Angeles

  1. Quirky neighbors would be awesome blog fodder! lol, I still have a twin size bed too. I hope to get a bigger one eventually! Making human friends is a goal of mine too. haha, Assistant to the Assistant…if it meant I got to live in LA and be friends with celebrities I'd totally do that job! I'm so jealous of all the people moving to LA! I wish I was. I couldn't move across the country from my family though. But I like your plans!

  2. Emily, I didn't realize it wouldn't sign my name like it does on WordPress, oops. Thanks! I like yoru design too! And the content, of course! Did Mae Whitman tweet at you at few weeks ago? I think that's how I found your blog & have been reading your Parenthood posts, and hoping you'd write other posts too! My blog still needs work on the content, but I'll figure it out! lol. -Lauren

  3. Ah, but in LA you will have your choice of either Starbucks or the ubiqitous Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. I would also recommend (and I speak here from unfortunate experience) that you make sure that the apartment has an assigned parking spot. Otherwise your life in LA will go like mine did, which was something like this:8:38 PM Arrive in general vicinity of apartment. Begin looking for parking on street.8:58 PM Begin muttering the phrase "are you kidding me??!" Continue circling block.9:10 PM Try to convince yourself that the next time you circle the block, there will be an open space.9:25 PM Begin praying that a space will open up, because you really need to use the bathroom.9:38 PM Realize you've been looking for an hour, that you're starving, and that if you go someplace to get food, they will have a bathroom.10:03 PM Arrive at In 'N Out Burger (the best thing about living in LA!). Use bathroom. Eat burger and fries with a chocolate shake.10:38 PM Head home. Tell yourself the traffic won't be so bad, and get on the 405 to go home.10:46 PM Ask yourself what you were thinking.11:04 PM Still stuck on the 40511:20 PM Traffic finally moving!11:38 PM Arrive in general vicinity of apartment. Again. Begin looking for parking on street. Again.12:00 AM All right, you found a parking space!12:17 AM You finished hiking from the parking space and are now at your apartment.5:55 AM Your alarm clock goes off. You have to go move your car to the other side of the street, because today is the day they clean the street on the side you parked on.

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